Reading Dan Brown's "The Lost Symbol"

Dan likes to bring in the villains right off the top. Our Albino Monk for this trip is a guy with an apostrophe in his name, but he's not Irish or anything. He seems more like that "Teal'k" guy from Stargate. And instead of whipping himself, he gets his jollies from shaving himself bare and administering tattooes. So we've really moved on from "The Da Vinci Code", haven't we? Unless Mr. Brown is giving us wry references to Audrey Tautou from the film version. Rawwrr!

Early on in "The Lost Symbol", author Dan Brown gives us a glimpse into the nefarious mind of Entirely Shaven Tattooed And Apostrophe'd McNasty...well, let's just call him "Tat'too" for short. His thoughts are helpfully relayed to us via italics, and they are suprisingly concise for someone who has just attained the 33rd Level of the Ultra-Secret and Powerful Brotherhood of the Supreme Worshipful Master of whatever it is I Haven't Found Out Yet. The secret is how to die...They will never know my true purpose here...My God, they know!...Soon you will lose everything...Now they have opened their doors to me...I am an artifact...Child's play. Oasis is terribly overrated. Oops, that last one was me! And I'm only on page 23! Crumbs, what was he thinking about while attaining the other thirty-two levels?

Arriving at an airport can be a very unpleasant experience. Björk once famously beat up a reporter after arriving at an airport. Maybe she'd had a bad flight. Perhaps she mistook the reporter for a fan. In Dan Brown's "The Lost Symbol", Our Hero (well, let's just call him "Tom Hanks" for short) arrives in Washington DC, only to be immediately accosted by a gushing admirer whose sole purpose is to remind us of Our Hero's, er, Tom's, previous adventure in "The Da Vinci Code", which we may wish to consider picking up the next time we're at an airport. Imagine getting off a plane, only to be faced with some trilling nutbar asking if you're the one that wrote about the sacred feminine and the church. I know what I'd ask Tom Hanks if I saw him at an airport. "Why didn't you try harder to save Wilson?! You Bastard!"



I haven't learned much so far about the Lost Symbol, but I guess I do appreciate Björk a lot more.

I've got a long way to go before finishing Dan Brown's "The Lost Symbol". I haven't even got as far as the bit where they've lost it yet. But I have figured out how Dan managed to come up with over 500 pages of material. In a word, Advertising. In two words, Product Placement.

So far, I've come across completely unnecessary references to Otis elevators, Falcon 2000EX corporate jets, Pratt & Whitney engines, Harris Tweed jackets and Lincoln Town Cars, and that's just in Chapter 1, and he needed all that stuff to stretch the vital opening frame to three and a half pages of action.

He leaned back in his Staples Office Supplies ergonomic chair, noticing with satisfaction the Ariel text staring back at him from his 18-inch Acer monitor. Casually glancing at his Timex Flix Technology wristwatch, he allowed himself a moment to cross one leg over the other. A slow smirk spread over his face as he stroked his matching Arnold Palmer slippers. Child's play. The words came all too easily. He tugged at a cuff of his well-worn LL Bean Relaxed Fit blue jeans, and wondered idly if now was the time to consider changing into his Mark's Work Wearhouse pajama bottoms. They would suspect nothing. His smirk widened into a sinister grin. Maybe the Marithé et François Girbaud black denim French dancing pants would be more appropriate. His lips puckered as he considered the possibilities. In these pants, I will dance. He chuckled out loud. In France. Perchance to some trance. With a girl named Nance.

Oh, who am I kidding. I'm strictly minor league. A real player would have brought in a Lexus by now, along with See's Chocolate Truffles and the Sheraton Maui.



Does anyone ever have sex in Dan Brown books? I was thinking of that after reading the first couple of chapters of his latest (nyuk) Opus "The Lost Symbol". His previous best-seller, "The Da Vinci Code", featured an evil albino monk who liked to give himself frequent whippings. For "The Lost Symbol", he's been replaced as Head Nastioso by someone named Tat'too who gets off on yarning his own flesh.

The previous novel's film adaptation promisingly featured the lovely Audrey Tautou, but she was put off sex forever by showing up unannounced one evening at her Grandad's only to find him actively leading a sort-of religious congregation more devoted to Good Nooky than Good Booky.

Our Hero, played in the films by Tom Hanks, has a routine of plunging into his local swimming pool each morning before 5am for forty laps. This suggests he's got a lot of frustration to work through.

Tom's mentor is a gray-eyed power multi-billionaire who does a side act as Chief Worshipful Supreme Master of the Royal Order of Stuff, which seems to take care of his baser urges. Mister Master has a Sister (also gray-eyed, and I'd like a dollar, please, for every time the word "gray" appears in "The Lost Symbol"). She is "married to her work", so no dating for her. Maybe it's a good thing that none of these people are reproducing, as Mr. Brown makes very clear when the one offspring of a major character is finally revealed.

There is actually only one remotely likeable character in the entire novel, and she ends up face-down in a Squid Tank fairly early on in the action, which really pissed me off. Mr. Brown, don't piss off your readers.

So I ended up skimming through most of the rest of "The Lost Symbol", rolling my eyes at lots of it, and eventually racing to the exciting finish before my library copy's due date came up. Dare I mention that I was plowing through Kim Stanley Robinson's "Galileo's Dream" at the same time, which is somewhat akin to mixing a hazelnut gelato with a McDonald's vanilla cone. A 500-page vanilla cone.



This couple did not appear in Dan Brown's "The Lost Symbol".



DEFINITELY not in the book.

NEXT: England. France. And I did Dance!

Spring Has Sprung?

Jeepers, another two months without writing anything! It's a lazy life so far in 2011, but there is a little bit of news here and there to report.

I've hit the 43-pound weight loss mark now (this all dates back to September 2010), and I'm continuing to take in the weekly Weight Watchers meetings. More pants are getting the heave-ho, and I finally decided to trek out to buy some better-fitting duds this very afternoon. Tilley's have a suburban Toronto outlet, and they were kind enough to help separate me from about $500 in exchange for a nice spring jacket, some lightweight jeans, and a new belt. I'm all set for my springtime walks (chief among which are the England and France hikes mentioned in my last entry). Now all I need is some springtime weather.

It's been a colder than normal late March in my area. There is still a bit of snow on the ground, and it's not going anywhere as long as the temperature persists in staying below the freezing mark. No matter, it's April as of this Friday and I've made it through another winter!

I have another holiday to think about and look forward to. I'm off to my favourite Switzerland destination, the village of Mürren, at the end of June. Four nights there, then a jaunt north to Berlin for two weeks, with a couple of new destinations thrown in. It will be great to meet up with old friends again, and yes there will be German beer.

MY BENCH AWAITS

NEXT: Mooncattie Reads A Book!!

Happy Well Into The New Year

Crumbs, two months have shot by since my last missive. I have been meaning to scribble down something, but I guess I've been too tired, too out of time, and basically too lacking in anything interesting (not that that's stopped me before, as you'll know if you've read any of my past rubbish). OK, Happy New Year everyone, and with Groundhog Day almost upon us, let me poke my head towards springtime and see what I hope to be doing.

1. Continue to lose weight. I've hit the 36 lb. mark since joining Weight Watchers last September, and although I'm really scraping to lose a pound here and there over the past few weeks, I'm determined to keep on going. I want to hit the 40 lb loss mark by the beginning of March. Can I do it? I'll keep you posted!

2. Travel. I decided to celebrate my 25 lbs loss Weight Watchers Official Ribbon with a holiday featuring the Theme of Continuing Improved Health. I set my sights on Europe, specifically England and France, and began checking out airfares. It's pricey to travel at the best of times, but springtime travel was looking to be almost unaffordable. Suddenly, KLM appeared with a wonderful cheap airfare! Roughly $1,000 to fly to Amsterdam...but if I changed planes at Schiphol Airport and flew back to Birmingham, England, the price inexplicably dropped by over $300. Yippee! So I fly to Brum in early April, and can't wait to meet up with the wonderful Collins Family, featuring West Brom Albion guru Andy, fellow Weight Watcher Sandra, and their two lovely children Ben and Rachel. There WILL be fish & chips, but there will also be a great deal of walking about.

3. Walking About. I won't be spending six weeks wearing a ski boot thing for a fractured foot this year, and hope to assist my weight-loss attempts with some walking opportunities. England will present me with several rail trails worth trying out. The Nicky Line from Hemel Hempstead to Harpenden is about 7 miles in length. Nearby is the St. Albans Way, from St. Albans to Hatfield - about 8 miles in total. Weather permitting, I'll have a go at the Centurion Way from Lavant to Chichester, and my biggie will be none other than The Cuckoo Line which will see me tramping from Heathfield to Polegate in the south of the country. I really hope the weather is nice for all this. I have a couple of shorter rail trail walks planned for Paris as well. Yes, I'll post photos!

4. Paris FRANCE, that is. I've got my French Rail Pass, and have booked 4 nights for April in Paris. I plan on travelling a bit in the country by TGV (le Train Grande Vitesse, I think the spelling is), combined with trying out some Metro systems for the first time. Lille, Rennes, and Toulouse all have driverless mini-Metros which should be fascinating to explore. It sounds exactly like what Toronto should be building for its Transit City project, but don't get me started on THAT. I'm returning to Lyon as well for a day trip, and of course hope to actually explore a bit of the Paris Metro and see a bit of the city as well. To be honest, Paris isn't my favourite city - but I'm looking forward to giving it another try.

That takes me through the first quarter of 2011. Things to look forward to, and things to plan. I hope your New Year is off to a good start, and that there are fun things in store for each of you, somehow, somewhere, sometime.

NEXT: So What About July?

Subways of the World!

I enjoy watching trains, and love riding in them. I have a special fondness for Metro systems or subways, and I suppose this dates back to my childhood when a ride on the Toronto subway was a special treat. Legend has it that a three-year old Mooncattie was intercepted at Toronto's Davisville subway station, having wandered off from home with notions of heading downtown! Well, many years passed before I got a chance to visit another city's subway (1975 - London). Now I make a point of taking a journey on the Metro of whatever city I visit.

2010 was a banner year for Me and Metros! This year I managed to board trains in Toronto, Montreal, Chicago, Cleveland, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Washington DC, Berlin, Munich, Nürnberg, Hamburg, and Warsaw. Below are a few highlights from past travels.

Here's a station in Nürnberg, Germany. The newest line features automatic "driverless" trains, which means you get to sit up front if you like and enjoy the driver's point of view.



Below is a scene from a much older system (with much older stations!), in Chicago. The Windy City is famous for its downtown elevated Loop trains, but this particular line reaches out into the western suburbs.



Another long-established American subway can be found in Philadelphia. This is the Market Street line, which features a nice outdoor stretch to the west of the downtown. Stations here are, well, pretty old looking!



Many of Europe's major cities are very well-served by Metro systems. Vienna is an excellent example, and here a U-Bahn enters the outdoor Stadtpark station.



Berlin has a huge railway system, integrating the regional S-Bahn lines with underground U-Bahns. Below is the recently-opened U55 line stop at Brandenburger Tor. It currently shuttles back and forth between this station under the Brandenburg Gate and Berlin's main railway station. One day, it'll be extended eastwards to Alexanderplatz.

I enjoyed riding the subway in Warsaw, Poland. Here is an entrance at Centrum station, with the gigantic Palace of Culture and Science looming above.

Having finally been bitten by the camcorder bug, I've joined the hordes of nerdy folk who post YouTube clips of whatever they are interested in. For me, that meant videos of subways and Metros, and you can see my work posted under the name of "murrener". Or just click on www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvDRwFMUesM if you're REALLY bored and go from there! I'm looking forward to 2011, when I hope to add more Metros to my collection.

UPDATE:

Yes, it's true! I've now lost 25 pounds, and I've got the Weight Watchers ribbon to prove it! I've hit the 27 lb. mark as of November 22nd, and hope to whittle away another few pounds if possible by Christmas. I've got more energy, and I'm fitting into clothes that I haven't worn in many years (in some cases, NEVER!). I'll keep you posted!

NEXT: Going away in 2011!

Weight To Go!

I've been overweight for about thirty years now. Adding on a few pounds each year, every year, led me to where I am today. Early on I began to love food, then I discovered the joys of beer, and with a job and some cash and time off I had the means in time to indulge and enjoy.

I have now reached my Fifties, I've endured a decade of living with Type 2 diabetes, and as the many posts on my blog have illustrated, I've tended to ignore my health and enjoy eating and drinking (and traveling to eat and drink). By the summer of 2010, I was the heaviest I had ever been in my life. Moving around was exhausting, it was all I could do to stay awake during the workday and make it home to fall asleep. And although being heavy bothered me, I didn't really care or like myself enough to do anything about it.

Take a look at the photo below. There I am at my favourite German beergarden, happy as can be, and look at that stomach!



Here's a self-portrait from this past July. I'm on board a train bound for Warsaw, and when I saw how this picture turned out I took another with my arms folded across my stomach. Of course I'm not fooling anyone - see the Mooncattie-sized bag of chips?

My family has faced a number of health challenges in 2010. Both my parents have had extended periods of ill health. I fractured a bone in my foot in the springtime. No wonder - imagine the stress it would be under every time I took a step! Seeing my holiday photos from this past summer, and thinking about my probable life span, I realized that it was time to do the hardest thing of all, to make a change in my lifestyle and try to be healthier. Perhaps better health would lead to a different kind of happiness, not dependent upon the consumption of calories. I knew dieting would be difficult, and I have such a long way to go to attain my proper body weight - but why not give it a try? Maybe I'll actually like myself a little more in the process!

So I joined my local chapter of Weight Watchers in early September - about two months ago. I resolved to attend the meetings, to do the tracking of food intake, to be honest about the weigh-ins whether I have a week of success or a relapse into past habits.

The folks at the meetings are very supportive, and all seem to be cheering each other on. The parts of the organization that I don't really support (such as the WW products like Power Bars and Smoothies and various recipe publications) are easily ignored while I concentrate on the daily tracking of what I eat.

The change of diet has been dramatic for me. It means pushing away snack food, fast food, beer and milkshakes. It means deliberately keeping track of physical activities and planning walks when I normally wouldn't bother. I'm a devotee of 1/% milk nowadays, and I try to make a point of doing the 40-minute walk to get it instead of the 5 minutes there and 5 minutes back by car. It means eating more fruits and vegetables and cereal. Lunchtime is now generally my main meal of the day, and during the weekdays that means soup of some description. I found a "soup-erb" spot ten minutes' walk south of my office, and most work days now I bring back a tub of tomato, or hot & sour, or mulligatawny, or jambalaya to my desk.

Weekends means forcing myself to walk in the neighbourhood somewhere, and avoiding the activities that led me to high-calorie experiences. I've stopped going to movies, for instance, because I know I don't want to see a film without popcorn. I've actually saved a bit of money that way, so the Weight Watchers program isn't necessarily costing me that much extra!

Well, so far so good. Here's a photo of me taken this afternoon.


Yes, that stomach is still there! So is the chin! But I'm wearing jeans that are two full sizes below what I wore in the summer, and I need the belt tightened an extra two notches to keep it from falling down to my ankles! I'm fitting into that shirt for the first time in years - maybe a decade. I'm down 18 lbs since joining, and I plan on continuing to work at this. I'm determined to be down a total of 25 lbs by Christmas. It won't be easy - cold weather is coming, and I'm definitely NOT a winter person where exercise is concerned. The festive stuff is going to be a big challenge as well. Well, bring it on! I got through Halloween without succumbing to the temptations of candy, and the support of family, friends, and work colleagues have convinced me to keep it going.

I'm looking forward to 2011 already, and thinking about travels that will allow me to keep moving forward in every way possible. Oh there will be treats, but they will be accounted for and be special occasions to enjoy instead of daily cravings to be accommodated. I'll keep in touch re: my progress or lack thereof!

NEXT: Subways of the World!

All Aboard for The Station Inn

I really like trains. I like riding in them, and I enjoy looking at them. So when I learned of a bed & breakfast in the United States that specifically caters to railfans, I had to find out more! The Station Inn is located in Cresson, Pennsylvania, and for over a decade now innkeeper Tom Davis has been offering folks a spot to sit and watch lots and lots of trains go by.

His Inn sits across the street from one of the main freight routes over the summit of the Applalachian mountain range, taking goods from the American east coast to the mid-west, and beyond, and back.

I paid my first visit to The Station Inn in May 2010, staying for two nights on my way to Mid-Atlanticon in Washington, DC. What a treat! Cresson is a very pleasant small town just west of Altoona, and the area is chock-full of railway history and spots to enjoy train-watching. One of the best spots is from a rocking chair on the Inn's front porch!



Yes, I was really there!



AND I've got a dirty mind. So what? And my prostate is just fine, thanks.

I returned for another two-night stay this past August, with the expectation that after covering all the train-spotting sights in the area I would have gotten the whole business out of my system. How wrong I was - it was such a relaxing spot and everything about The Station Inn experience was so enjoyable that I was already planning an autumn return. The photo below, taken from the nearby Highway 53 bridge, shows the main line in all its October glory with the fall colours at their very best.

It really hasn't been the best of years for me health-wise, so I was very glad to return to the area and actually do a bit of proper walking around on some of the many rail-trails in the region. I highly recommend a visit to the Staple Bend Tunnel, the first railway tunnel ever built in the USA. The line has long since been relocated, but the walk to the tunnel is spectacular and well-signed with a series of interpretive panels that outline the history of railways in the area.

I stayed for three nights in early October, and thoroughly enjoyed myself. Can't wait to return in 2011! Must-see train-spotting locations for the visitor (besides the Inn itself) include the Cassandra Crossing pedestrian bridge over the tracks, a nearby level crossing at Carney's Road, the above-mentioned Highway 53 bridge and observation area, and the National Parks Historic sight at Horseshoe Curve. If you want to do some hiking in the area, it's well worth Googling the Rails-to-Trails Conservancy and having a look at some of the pathways you can access.

For more train action, have a look at the Station Inn website itself for a preview of the sights to see in Cresson and vicinity as well as information on how to book your own visit. If you're really lucky, you'll be there when they're serving sausage gravy on toast for breakfast! That in itself will make up for any bad weather during your stay!

NEXT: Losing Weight: Can This Be True???

Mid-Atlanticon 2010!

I suppose I'm not much of a joiner. I'm not one for clubs or conferences or conventions in general, but when I heard about Mid-Atlanticon 2010, that was a different story. I had to be there! It was a meetup somewhere along the Eastern Seaboard of the United States of America, featuring fans of the Comics Curmudgeon blog site that takes an alternative, often hilarious, and always interesting look at the daily funnies. Yes, those comics we see every day but usually don't give much more than a passing glance at. Who ARE those people behind Beetle Bailey, For Better or For Worse, Mary Worth, and Mark Trail? (the answer to the latter may be disturbing to sensitive readers)

The Comics Curmudgeon was created by Baltimore-based writer and editor Josh Fruhlinger, and he has a fan base of many thousands who can't wait to read what he has to say about whatever daily comic he chooses to comment on each day. Many of us can't wait to weigh in with our own opinions. Well! A Comics Curmudgeon Meetup was something not to miss, so off to Washington DC I went!

My trip got off to an exciting start when I discovered an authentic Montgomery Ward mini-fridge in my Virginia motel room! Montgomery Ward has been out of business for years now, but their fine products remain. It was a wonderful fridge.


Next up was a fun evening with fellow curmudgeons wossname and bourbon babe, unbuckled that included a barbecue, lots of laughter, and Mooncattie's first Scotch!

The following afternoon - a group of happy curmudgeons gathered at Washington's National Zoo for a tour of the Small Mammal House conducted by volunteer guide Perky Bird.

The animal we all came to see! A real live prehensive porcupine!

Oh, and I saw a Panda bear as well.

Finally, it was time for the great event. Our meetup took place inside Washington's Capitol City Brewing Company brewpub. As you can see, it's a pretty impressive looking place from the outside. Yes, it really was that big.

Sadly, I don't have a good photograph of Josh himself. But I do have this photograph of the star of the evening, Mark Trail's plucky young ... er ... ward? Son? Buddy? Well, it's Rusty's Head On A Stick, and we all agreed that was indeed the best place for him. His occasional extreme close-ups in Mark Trail are pretty frightening usually. We're pretty sure he's a science experiment gone horribly wrong, but in Mark Trail that's sort of par for the course.

Well, amid much laughter, fresh beer, and fine food, an excellent time was had by all. I met some wonderful people, and it was great fun to share comics-related chat with folks I had only previously known through the blog. I hope there will be another meetup one day (full disclosure: I had gone to a previous gathering in Tucson, Arizona in 2008!), and I hope to return to Washington DC as well.

NEXT: All Aboard for Cresson, Pennsylvania and The Station Inn!