Sunday, October 4, 2009

Emergency Creative Writing Chapter, Pt. 2

It's a scene from another one of America's most beloved long-running soap opera comic strips, which will not be identified or mocked in any way, as this is another loving tribute, so please don't sue me, and instead let's all rejoice that this wonderful example of art is with us every day!

I reckon you remember Ol’ Blue?
And with one quick glance at the strange, spotless truck with the insane headlights that Cody had insisted on installing on his own after watching that movie about the cute little alien that everybody was talking about, all the years came rolling back and it was that impossibly long June evening again when it seemed like the sun was never gonna set. And Lu Ann had been saying how this time she really was gonna go to New York City and make it as an artist, and Cody had just better get used to the idea. And Cody was saying that this was fool talk and that she’d be happy to paint her prairie flowers just as much while being his wife and raising his kids while he worked with his older brother Woody and his Pa at the piggery, and it all seemed so wrong to her to hear all this, even if it was the second biggest piggery in the county. And now Cody is working for Daddy, and what’s up with that? And now the sun was finally setting, and Cody knew that she was gonna be on that plane the next morning, and he started to make those sad, snorty crying noises, and she leaned over and kissed him, and knew that he was gonna take that as a big old green light for sliding her into the back seat, and what kind of truck has a back seat anyhow? And she thought, well here goes, as he rolled her sundress up her legs and kind of stumbled on her, and then, like he forgot or something, turned around and switched on the radio and Ol’ Blue’s heater. And with the truck’s engine wheezing like someone whistling really badly, he put on that 1510AM signal out of Mangy Butte and there was that danged Oak Ridge Boys song that they played every half hour and Cody loved so much, and then he kind of fell on her bare legs and undid his belt and everything seemed to go from there in a weird sort of a way, like he was trying to plop down and up, down and up, in time to that song with the stupid words, and it was so hard not to laugh, but she knew that would just ruin everything for him, so she bit her lip and listened to Giddy Up A-Ooom Poppa, Ooom Poppa, Mow Mow. And his breathing started getting real heavy and raspy like the noise of his truck’s heater, and she was thinking how one of her feet still had a shoe on and the other was bare and tucked into a map pocket, and what kind of a truck has a map pocket in the back seat, and there was that hand clapping sound of his little bits slapping against her butt, and she kept thinking that it was sort of like milking a cow backwards for some reason, but then she wondered if maybe he didn’t know that he wasn’t really inside her, and could it be that even though he’s got pigs all over the place, he’s never seen them doing it, and should she grab his pickle and help it in, or would that make him angry? And then those danged words Ooom Poppa, Mow Mow came on again, and Cody went all funny and yelled along with the song Hi-Ho Silver, Away!, and there was an awful mess, but it was mostly over his truck’s back seat and she was thankful for that, and then he kind of fainted on top of her and started making moany noises about how she can’t leave him and there’s nothing but trouble in New York City. And lying there, with her foot still crammed into that map pocket, and the sky getting dark real fast now, Lu Ann thought about how that plane can’t take off fast enough for her and the first thing she’s gonna do tomorrow after arriving at the New York City Airport, is make a telephone call about that apartment that’s up for rent with the two other gals as roommates. And she thought that’ll be just fine, because they can show her the big city, and she can teach them the Ways of the West. And there won’t be anyone or anything wheezing, and there won’t be any danged Oak Ridge Boys.
Oh yeah, Lu Ann remembered Ol’ Blue.

NEXT: Back to Munich for more ravings about Beergardens!